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The dentists are evil. I just got back from the dentists, and I can’t think of what I could have possibly done to deserve that. First of all they like scrape the crap out of you gums with their evil pokey man of death. Then they use their buzzy spinny thing with the nasty gritty toothpaste. I gag every time. Not to mention the smell. Their gloves always smell like rotten grapejuice. They also shine that bright light right in your eyes like they are interrogating you, but really it is much worse than interrogation; or torture for that matter. And then that fluoride thing that they make you leave in your mouth for like fifty hours. They have like sixteen hundred different flavors, but they all taste the same. The nasty barfy taste of the rotten grapejuice gloves. They also feel the need to make smalltalk with you even though you can obviously not talk when they have evil tools of death in your mouth. They are also not intelligent at all. Every time I go they compliment me on how well I am flossing. I never floss. When I was there this morning they insisted on telling me horror stories about people getting their teeth pulled. I am getting my teeth pulled on friday, and if they were trying to make mw want to kill myself before friday, they definitely succeeded. It is almost worth going to school instead.

   If you are looking for a good book to read, twilight is
a really good one. It sounds really stupid because it is about a girl
who falls in love with a vampire. The back reads: "about three things I
was absolutely positive        Edward was
a vampire        There was a part of him-
and I didn't know how dominant that part of him was- that thirsted for
my blood        I was unconditionally and
irrevocably in love with him"

    Now when I
read this I thought that it sounded like the stupidest book ever, but
trust me when I tell you that it is really good. It is more of a
suspenseful love story. In isabella (the main character) falls in love
with a mysterous guy dude who she later figures out is a vampire. He is
afraid to get to close to her or kiss her because he doesn't want to
eat her, but she doesn't even care, she just always wants to be with
him.

This is the type of book that I  sit down and read over
one hundred pages at once. If you can't stick with one book for a long
time this might no be the best book for you since it is 500 pages.
There is a sequel( which the author so cleverly put the first chapter
of at the end of the book so you will have to read it) cvalle dnew
moon. The third one is coming out in october. 

I know Borat is freaking hilarious, but it makes me wonder how he got away with some of the stuff he did in the movie. If you have seen the movie you probably remember the scene where he was on the news. If you haven’t seen Borat there is sthis guy (borat) who is from kazakstan who comes to america to benefit the society in kazakstan. Borat and some of the oter kazakstanians are the only actors/ actresses. Everything else in the movie is actual footage. In one scene he is on the news to talk about his project and what he is doing america. The people making the news show thought he was actually from kazakstan and it was actually on the air. It is hard to believe that he didn’t get intouble for that. There are so many other things that he did that it seems like he would get in serious trouble for. (running around “in the nude”, breaking stuff in stores, stealing, putting a sack over pamela andersons head, etc.)

Everybody always breaks the rules sometimes and tries to get away with something that is not allowes. Many people sneak into movies after the one they payed for is over, or tried to get into one without a ticket, or sneak into a movie they are not old enough to see. When you get caught you can get into loads of trouble, but have you ever wondered what would happen if you just asked to do some of those things? I know this sounds really stupid, but my aunt did a study for a company that was based on that. She was supposed to just ask to do stuff and see what she got away with. She was able to cut in lines, ride busses for free, and all kinds of other stuff. I would feel way too stupid asking to do crap like that, but I thought it was ver interesting the study that she did.

i have always wondered if suBliminal messaging really workes. i gUess i will probablY never find out because if it really worked i wouldn’t be able to know that i was subliminally MEssaged, but sometimes i wonder if commercials are subliminally messaing me to want to eat their PRoducts bEcauSE lots of times right after advertisemeNTS i Want to eat tHEir products really bad. they might just be good advertisers but wheN I watch infomercialS i AlwaYs waNt tO buy random stuff that i dont even knoW what it does. i convinced my dad to buy that one sweep broom with the rubber bristles. actually we bought two. 

NOW!!!

I am tired of people bugging me about being a vegetarian, and how it doesn’t even save animals, so here are my official reasons for eating the way I do.

First of all, I know that I am not stopping the slaughtering of animals (if I could I would, but I know I cant) But…: 

1.) Being a vegetarian is a healthy low cholesterol & fat diet

2.) Meat is gross. Not just the taste, but the fact that it is animal guts.

3.) I feel guilty about eating the carcass of murdered formerly cute innocent animals. To me eating any meat feels like what, to you would feel like eating your pet. 

4.) It is a protest against the killing of innocent animals.

5.) I don’t need to eat it. In the past meat was needed to survive, but now we have plenty of other food sources available.

So those are the reasons that I am a vegetarian. There are so many other reasons, but now hopefully I won’t get asked why I don’t eat meat every three seconds.

(By the way ariel gets credit for finding the link site. She posted it in her blog a long time ago, so you can also read her post about it)

Learning is way too standardized. It pisses me off how every student is forced to learn almost identically. My interests do not resemble the interests of every student in this school. Although we do have electives, for me there is only one class that i have selected to take this semester that i actually want. They call health/pe electives, but you do not get to “elect” or choose them at all. I am taking spanish, but not because I am interested in it at all. The only reason I am taking a foreign language is because colleges require a certain number of credits, which leads to my next point of how pressures of the future influence most every choice of today.

When you ask kids what they want to be when they grow up, you hear things like a pro football player, an actress, a vetrinarian, a doctor etc. Although many of them change their minds as they grow more aware, even most of these jobs require special schooling outside of high school training. We only bother doing well in high school so that we can go on to better education to do what we want. Lots of us don’t even end up doing what we want to do because of how we did in high school. My point is that there are too many pressures being put on kids and teens to suceed in what they have no interest in. For me, my ideal job for my interests would be a journalist. I love researching current events that are interesting to me, and informing other people about them. Even though i have absolutely no interest in math, science or social studies, i still have so much pressure being put on me to do well, by my parents, and myself because I want to get into a good college where I can learn about my interests.

Every day I make every decision based on school. EXAMPLES:

Will I go to the movies when I have homework?

I should go to bed so I wont be tired at school?

I will join NJHS so I will get into a good college.

None of these are things that I want to do with my life, but something so far off in my life is making me choose to do them.

In a way school not only doesn’t push you towards you passions it takes you away. For example last nigh i had a crap load of homework, but by the time I got home from volleyball it was already getting late, and I had to stay up way late to finish it. This made me wonder if volleyball was making my grades suffer and if i should quit. It wasn’t making my grades suffer, my grades were going to make it suffer. Education should not in any way push you away from what yopu want to do.

There are those people who do not respond to these pressures to do well in what they are not interested in, but usually those people end up being poor and living with their parents. So my overall point is that education should be altered so that everyone learns only what they need to know. I am not saying that it is bad to be knowledgeable about many topics, but education is a useless when it is just thrown away somewhere in your mind. There is so much added stress on kids because of these things. The current education takes away from kids passions and lessens their childhood and carefree experiences. The point in writing this is by no means to make people hate school or to start failing, is is simply to express what I think education should be based on.

Valentines day is the most pointless holiday. It is not centered around religious beliefs, (none that I know of anyways) or history or anything important. I know that it is a good thing to celebrate with the people that you love, but we don’t need a holiday to do that. It is also depressing for anyone who doesn’t have a boy/girl friend, and for the people that do it just drains their money. For kids my age valentines day is about a 5 cent peice of card board that has some cheesy saying on it like “Have a rainbow valentines day” (care bears) or “I hope you feel like a princess on Valentines day.” (barbie) For Married people it is about spending all of your familys money to try and outdo what your spouse is doing. For third graders it is about getting valentines from your “secret admirer” who is actually your friend play in a joke on you. (Yea it happened to me, my Friends were mean to me like that. *tear**tear*) For me it is about trying not to eat to much candy, and telling myself I don’t want a boyfriend anyways.

This quarter I learned:

How to effectively use internet resources

Learned about isms of the 19th century

being persuasive and getting my point across in discussions

It starts with a simple thunderstorm, which leads to a power outage in the state of new york. 400 people who were attending an indoor car show get stuck inside because the automatic doors wouldn’t open, and people on the top levels were trapped because the elevators didn’t work. They began to riot inside, and after several hours they began to get really hungry, so several of them started pushing cars out the windows. Not realizing they were on one of the top levels they jumped out. The other 389 people, who didn’t jump out the window, ran to the broken window, thinking that people had found a legitimate exit. By the time they realized that they were on the 38 story it was too late. The police arrived after getting an anonymous phone call from someone who thought that it was a religious cult. The police took out their weapons, and threatened everyone in the building with guns (which doesn’t quite seem like an appropriate technique for a group of suicide people) In panic the poor car show attendees started to scream and run wild, which resulted in pushing more people off the edge. The police broke the doors down with dynamite, and invaded trying to prevent more people from committing suicide. The dynamite was stronger than the police suspected, and put 7 bystanders in critical condition. As the police charged through the building. The people on the first floor trampled them to get out of the only working doors. The police, struggling for air under the feet of the first floorers, attempted to shoot into the air, to get everybodies attention. This just made the people start to yell that there were shooters in the building. With the police mans second attempt at getting attention, he accidentally shot a man, and killed him. The other police officers thought it was a first floorer who had shot the gun, and started beating innocent people. The government came, and tried to clear it up, but they didn’t help, they just got involved. Meanwhile while the security systems were down people started robbing jewelry stores, and homes. This resulted in violence, and within the first 48 hours of the power outage 17 homes and department stores were burned down. The streets were out of control, and the police were so busy in so many different affairs, that there were murders and rapes going on in the streets. When the power finally came on, the whole city of new york was totally destroyed. News of the government being involved in the police-carshowattnedees murder/suicide streetviolence/rape new york city destroyment incident spread quickly throughout the nation. Rebel groups started forming against the government. During this U.S. moment of weakness, the police had much more important things to attend to rather than watching the american-mexican border. Over 100,000 hispanic immigrants crossed the border in the first few weeks.  They started out by taking over everyones jobs, but the banks all shut down, because of the developing depression. By now the government has almost completely fell apart, and the people declared war on mexico. The people of northern south american countries bacame angry with the war, and joined the side of mexico. Meanwhile (as our troops in iraq left) another dictatorship has formed. They are pissed off, and start bombing us. The americans all flee to china, which was already overpopulated, so the government started shooting anyone who is not a citizen of china. While the us is vacating, france comes in to take over.  Spain declares war on france for the land. Now all the other countries in europe have joinded the mongolians to fight middle easern countries including iraq, although they are not on the side of the americans. Africa and australia are the only ones staying out of the war. South africa thinks it could earn money by loaning some to the french (who are fighting the spanish). The french took the loan, but could not pay them back, so south africa, and neighboring countries declared war on france. As the years dragged on every country went into poverty, and all governments were destroyed. Global warming events in a flood killing nearly everyone. The remaining people were not experienced enough with out their technology that they died off.

Book- (böök) n. An object read for A.R. points.

Clock- (clôk) n. An object located in everyroom of the house that only makes noise when you are trying to concentrate or sleep.

Computer- (cûm•pyoo•tër) n. 1.The most overused form of modern technology.

2. A gaming device that gets fought over among siblings.

Dad- (dâd) n. The one you go to when mom says no.

Dictionary- (dîk•shûn•êrE) n. Something useless that should not be written about in a blog post.

Dog- (dôg) n. A house animal that eats your food while you aren’t looking.

Electric blanket- (blAn•cêt) n. Something that is supposed to keep you comfortable, but really just makes you sit awake all night worrying that you will get electrocuted.

Girlfriend- (gërl•frênd) n. Someone who guys avoid buying presents for.

Health- (hêlth) n. A class you take that scares you from the sun, drugs, sneezing etc.

Homework- (hOm•wërk) n. An overbearing burden tht gets put off until the last minute.

Lawn- (lôn) n. Something your dad wants to be greener that your neighbors.

Lost- (lôst) n. Something you get when you are already running late.

Love- (lûv) n. An overused word used by teens when they don’t mean it.

Math- (mâth) n. The longest class of the day.

Mom- (môm) n. The one you go to when you want something.  (See Dad)
Nail- (nAl) n. Something you bite when you are nervous.

P.E.- (P•E) n. Americas attempt at trying to be less fat.

Quiet- (cwI•êt) adj. The time when the little vioces in your head talk to you again.

Vase- (vAs) n. Something that gets broken by your brothers nerf guns.

Disclaimer: I GOT THE IDEA TO WRITE THIS STORY FROM THAT ONE POST ABOUT A BANANA THAT WON THE AUTHENTICITY AWARD. HE SAID THAT READING THE STORY LOWERS YOUT I.Q. WELL THIS STORY IS WRITTEN TO MAKE YOU STUPIDER (AND KIND OF TO WASTE YOUR TIME). I FELT STUPIDER WRITING IT. AND READING IT, AND SO SHOULD YOU.

There was a boy. Fred was the name of the boy. Freds had a brother. The brother was uglier than fred but more attractive than bob. Bob was the dad. The dad has gray hair. he also is old. His wife is freds mom. She has a name. It is Louise. Louise was born in Talahasse. Then she moved to Denver. It snowed a lot. It also snows a lot in Alaska. The former capital of Alaska was Nome. Not to be confused with gnomes, which are fictonal. Gnomes sit on the lawn of Freds brother. This is also the lawn of fred. Fred has no girlfiend. He only loves lacrosse. Lacrosse has rules. The rules are difficult for Fred to learn. Fred is not very smart. He has a tutor. The tutor speaks spanish, english, and french. Fred only speaks english. He can say popcorn in 5 languages. He cooks popcorn in a microwave. If he runs out of popcorn he asks Louise to drive him to walgreens. At walgreens he usually buys swedish fish. Freds best friend nick also likes swedish fish. I think they taste like chapstick.

So I just got hooked on the show Smallville, which is like the best show ever (along with friends, avatar, desperate housewives, lost, south park, arrested development, and I am probably forgetting something.) It is in the middle of the sixth season right now on T.V. You should watch it on thursday. (I think it is on at 8 )

So pretty much it is about this guy named Clark Kent, who turns out to be superman. This is his life before the red cape.

He is a teenager who lives in Smallville. Who would have guessed?
He has amazing superpowers, but he wants to keep it a secret, so nobody knows besides him and his parents.
He has two best friends, Chloe and Pete.
He is in love with Lana Lang.
And he has another billionaire friend, Lex Luthor. (If you have heard the superman story you know Lex is Superman’s arch nemesis, [yeah I know cool word] but in the show he hasn’t turned evil yet.)

The show is really far fetched, and has lots of stuff with the supernatural, but it is entertaining. (Especially because Tom Welling, who plays Clark Kent is really hot.)

This show is really frustrating because they always make everything almost all perfect, and then they screw it all up. You have no idea what the crap I am talking about, but iof you watch it you will. It is still so good though.

I put the first episode on here so you can watch it, and watch the next, and the next, until there is no more, and then you will have to watch it on T.V. every Thursday.

There is five links because it is in parts because youtube can only have ten minute movies, so click on the first one first.

http://www.youtube.com/v/EeOm-_DcQno

http://www.youtube.com/v/_5POKYG1s7s

http://www.youtube.com/v/tnm45rwo7z0

http://www.youtube.com/v/fX0kNeVIOtU

http://www.youtube.com/v/fDkbk3QN4d8

http://www.youtube.com/v/uDSheB21Jhw

1. Learn how to make money using ebay
2. Be able to�read poety������ �������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� � 3.�Start or join�a club or organization that supports something I care about.

I don’t want to be offensive to anyone who owns the ps3, but some of the people who bought them must have been out of their right mind!!

So it came out a few days ago, and people camped out for two and a half days outside the store to get one. Since each store only carried 20, there are not very many. They cost 600 dollars, which is crazy but most of them who bought one just bought it so they could sell it on ebay or craigs list. I went on craigs list, and most of them were selling for around 2700 to 3000. On ebay they were selling in the 3,000’s but I saw one sell for 13,000!!!!!

I would rather buy 5200 shirts, or 130 pairs of uggs, or 216 pairs of jeans from hollister, or 3,500 rolls of duck tape, or 13,000 song on itunes, or 100 ps2’s, or 13 laptops, or 33 80 GB ipods, or 1,000 sharpies, or 43,330 mini tubs of play-do, or 1300 mice, or 2,600 P.E. shirts, or 16% of you body cryogenically frozen, or 2 slug bugs off ebay, or an airplane, or 6 horses, or

1. See how long you can hold your breath

2. Paint your nails with invisible nail polish

3. Write the script to an old english play

4. Count how many days until your birthday

5. Have an imaginary feast of your favorite foods

6. do your hair in outrageous hairstyles

7. start talking to you neighbors in a phony sign languege

8. make a fake cell phone out of paper and start texting on it

9. count the dots on the ceiling

10. memorize pi

11. read the dictionary…cough*tory*cough…

12. play your favorite movie in your head

13. pretend you pencil is an airplane

14. imagine your teacher as a teacher of the opposite gender

15. make your neighbors think you are picking your nose

16. rapidly look from side to side and then don’t move. Repeat this ever five minutes

6.

Bill was a very boring man. On the weekdays, he would wake up, go to work, come home, watch T.V., eat dinner, and go to bed. One weekend, when Bill was walking to the supermarket, he saw a man on the side of the road screeching, “Flowers, Plants, Bushes, and trees, Everything you’ll ever need, to brighten your house, and brighten your day, buy it now, buy it today!” Now, Bill was not one to be impulsive, but he couldn’t help himself, so he headed across the street to look at the plants.  

“You look like a man who knows what he’s doing,” said the man with the plants, “What kind of plant are you interested in?” Bill shugged almost embarassed. “Well, lets see if I can help you… Here are some daisies, they’ll brighten up any room.”

Bill shook his head no.

“Here is an oregano plant, are you a chef?” He asked.

Bill again shook his head no.

“Well, are you a gardener?”

And again bill shook his head no.

“AH-Ha,” said the man, ” I know exactly what you will want…”

He held up a small plant.

“This is a mgaic plant, If you water it tonight, tomorrow you will have a big surprise.”

Bill did not believe in all that hocus pocus crap, but he was in a hurry to get to the market and home in time to get dressed for a meeting at work, so he just took the plant, payed the man, and hurried to the supermarket. That night after he had returned from his meeting, he watered his plants, and went straight to bed.

The next morning when he looked at the plant, he was amazed! It had sprouted diamonds. That day, he went back to the man with the plants.

“That plant is the most amazing thing I have ever seen! You must give me another one!” he exclaimed.

“I can only produce one a day, but I would advise you not to buy anymore. If you don’t take care of them, they will die.”

Bill ignored his warning and bought the plant.

Everyday Bill came back and bought a magic plant, until he had almost fifty plants that were all sprouting diamonds. Bill would be plenty rich with his fifty plants, but he couldn’t stop there. He continued to buy.

One night Bill was tired, and decided he was too lazy to water the plants. The next morning when he woke up he walked into his living room to meet the newly born diamonds. When he arived he was shocked. There were no diamonds, there weren’t even plants. All there was were 96 pots of ash sitting in his living room.

“Hola! Whats up county county” you say. He blankly stares at you. In embarassment you just decide to keep your mouth shut and sit down.

“Now I am count olaf, he states. I will collect the money later, but for now everybody get out of the room before the lion attacks.”

“What money?!” you exclaim.

“Oh so I don’t get any money for saving your lives. Thats worth at least three hundred dollars each.”

You have no intentions of paying him “later” but you do want to get out of the room before count olaf caused any trouble. Just as you start walking out of the room you hear a loud beeping. It was the fire alarm. You see poor unfortunate handcuffed children running down the halls, and decide to join them in thier panic screams.

Then you run into a wall of fire and die. The End

You pick up the hammer and strike his foot. Count olaf screams out in pain and falls to the ground. Just as you are about to strike again, a pair of arms (that are connected to a body, but you just don’t know who yet, so that is why it, but if it confused you I am sorry, but I am still gong to keep it in there.) grabs you and pulls you away. It was a woman with powder on her face, and behind her was a person that was impossible to tell wheter he/she was male or female. ( For those of you stupid people who don’t read the series of unfortunate events, count olaf is the evil dude who is trying to steal the baudelaire fortune, and his evil companions are two women who wear powder on their face, a hook handed man, and a person who is half male looking, and half female looking.) They take you far far away. (And you starve to death.) The end!!

You shoot a vine of web out of your wrists. Your web hooks onto a fire sprinkler on the ceiling. You attempt to climb up the vine, but you don’t have any upperbody strength what-so-ever. You think back to every year of Elementary and middle school when you were forced to climb the ropes. You were struggling to bring back these memories, but you realize it is very hard to remember things that didn’t happen. You never climbed the ropes. You attempted to, but your feet never even made it off the ground. You snap back to reality, only to find yourself standing on the ground, and staring right into the lions eyes. You don’t even have time to think, before the lion pounced. He took everyones hope of survival, and he took your life along with it.

You run over to the empty desk. You open the bottom drawer and convienently find tape brown construction paper and scissors. You craft an amazing ham costume, and run courageously up to the purple lion. You drop to the floor, and lay there (just as a ham would). The lion ran away back into his box, not even taking a second glance at the delicious looking ham. You are nonplussed. (woo-hoo vocab word) You walk over to the box where the purple lion lay. You inspect the box, to find that it said:

WARNING: Jewish Purple Lion. Please do not feed him Ham!

“Oh,” you say. You place the ham outside of the lions box, to keep him inside. You walk up to the crowd of confused students, and tell them all about your plan, and your geniusness.

Although you did manage to survive the jewish purple Lion. You were still trapped in the classroom. You look around, to see if there are any other resources in the classroom. You look on the ground and see a newspaper and a hammer. On the cover of the newspaper you see an ad for the psychic hotline.

YOU: Call the Psychic Hotline

or

YOU: Use the hammer to try to break the door down

You ask if anybody has a cell phone. Everybody nods their head no. This is the response you expected, considering that if the teachers catch you with a phone they force you to stay in a room with a boa constrictor for 11 minutes. (This is not a fun experience. I know because it happened to me. Those are eleven minutes of pure torture. By the fifth minute I had the snake in a head lock, but by minute seven he had escaped, and by minute 10 he was wrapped aroung my neck. The only thing that kept me from giving up was the clock in the right corner of the room. They put it in there to torture you, because it ticks way slower than any normal clock, but when I was watching it I knew I could hang on for the next minute or so, before the teachers came in.) You start to search the room for a phone. After about five minutes you hear a ring. You follow the noise to the jewish purple lions box. You glance inside. The lion is sleeping soundly, with a red phone tucked under his paw. You slowly start reaching for the phone. You have one finger on the phone. You slowly wrap your fingers around it, and pull it out from under his paw in one swift pull. The lion wakes up growling, and snapping at you. He is about to pounce, when he sees the ham, and cowers back to the corner of his box. You have the phone in your hand, (which has now stopped ringing) and check his call log to see who had called the Jewish purple lion. You are amazed to see that it was the psychic hotline.

You jump as the phone starts ringing again. It was the psychic hotline once again. You answer confused as to why they were calling you.

“Hello?” you answer.

“Hi you have reached the psychic hotline. Press 1 to have your fortune read. Press 2 to have a question answered, press 3 if you are trapped in a classroom with a purple jewish monkey, Press four if you are interested in applying for a job…”

Although you did always think you had a knack for fortune telling, you decide that pressing three would probably be a better choice for now. You press the button, and listen to the voice.

“Use the hammer…” the eerie voice said, “use the hammer… use the hammer… use hammer… use the hammer…” it repeated over and over. You decide that using the hammer would probably be a good choice.

CLICK HERE 

You grab the hammer, and without delay, you race for the door. You charge at the door, with your hammer in hand. You smack the door, and find yourself in great pain. The door is still closed, and you are laying on the ground pathetically with your hammer alongside you.

You are about to have a mental breakdown, and start crying when the door suddenly falls. (landing on top of you, but you are to exited to feel pain.)
You look up, and stare into the little beedy eyes of count olaf

YOU: TAKE THE HAMMER AND ATTACK HIM WITH IT

OR

YOU: CASALLY BRING UP A CONVERSATION, IN HOPES THAT IF YOU MAKE FRIENDS WITH HIM HE WILL SPARE YOUR LIFE

It was just like any typical day at school. The children entered the doors into the school, to be greeted by the staff, who were anxiously awaiting the students arrival. The staff took each child, handcuffed their hands behind their backs, and sent them on to homeroom, as they did every day. Unfortunately, you are one of these students.

You walk into your home room, which is in the library. It is Friday, and that means knowlege bowl day. Your homeroom teacher assigns you a classroom where you will compete. In this case it was room 110. As you walk into this room you review with your friends everything you have learned so far this year. Knowlege bowl is a very scary thing, because as you all know, if you get a question wrong you are beaten senseless with Mr. Wilkoffs paddle.

You walk into the room to find that there is no teacher or students in the room. The classroom was completely empty. You look around at the sinister gray color of the walls, trying to figure out if any teacher had ever inhabited this room. Just as you are about to leave, you see something at the end of the room. It was a gray box, the exact color of the walls. It was moving slightly, as if the wind was blowing it back and forth. You look around to see that there are infact no windows in this classroom. You approach the box hesitantly. You reach the box, and before you can even open it, out pops a purple lion.

Everyone in the room gasps, and swarms the door, trying to get out. After moments of banging on the door, and mass panic, the students realize that they are locked in. Nobody knows what to do, so they all huddled together in the corner of the classroom weeping. You know that crying never helps anything, so you try to devise a plan. Then it hit you…

YOU: USE YOUR SPIDERMAN POWERS TO JUMP ON THE CEILING

OR

YOU: DISGUISE YOUR SELF AS A HAM TO LURE THE LION TO YOURSELF, AND GIVE THE OTHERS TIME TO ESCAPE

There is always “that person” who manages to make you want to kill yourself. He/She makes you want to  just pull your hair out so you can strangle him/her with it. No matter what amazing event just happened that person always finds a way to ruin it. For example, if you are a guy, and you are talking to a girl, “that person” always just pops out of nowhere and decides it would be appropriate to share your most embarassing moment, or finds some other way to drive her away. Well here is a list of personal examples I have when “that person” has managed to screw me over. (this is a true story!)

MOVIE THEATER NIGHTMARE 

1. I was at a movie theater about to see stay alive with two of my friends. I insisted that I should get to sit in the middle because I scare easiest, but somehow they convince me being on the outside would be better. Well… they were wrong. 

The lights were just turning off, and the movie was starting. I started to get comfortable, (which, in a scary movie, to me means leaning towards whoever is sitting next to me, getting into a ball, and squeezing my legs to my stomach) when a boy, who looked about 14 asked if I was saving the seat next to me. At that time I didn’t realize that he was ”that person”, so I replied no, and he took a seat.

 I was wondering why anyone would go to a movie alone, but these thoughts were soon dismissed when the movie started. It began with a man walking up to a dark house. I was already starting to get scared, when ”that person” whispered “do you have a dollar?”  I looked around to see who he was talking to. It couldn’t possibly be me. “hey you,” he said again, “do you have a dollar!?”  “no,” i replied, not even trying to hide how irritated I was. I started to watch to movie again.

Everything went smoothly until about 30 minutes through the movie when he has to pee. He stands up, and starts marching through the swamp of feet, every once in a while loudly whispering (in what barely qualifies as a whisper) “excuse me, sorry” acting as if that made up for disrupting the entire theater. He finally makes his way out of the aisle, and leaves for the bathroom. When he returned five minutes later he went through the same ritual getting back into a seat.

At one point in the movie, I finally got up the courage to unroll from my fetal position, and eat some popcorn. I signal to my friend to pass me the popcorn. I hold the bucket on my lap, and start to eat. Not long from then, I fell a hand touch my arm, and “that person” had actually reached into my popcorn bowl to grab a bite! Did he seriosly think I wouldn’t mind! I asked him what the crap he was doing. He decides only then that it would be appropriate to ask! The nreve! I eventully decided to just move seats. He took the hint, and shut up. For the most part.

I think this is a great idea. It made me laugh really hard, but I think if you would build on it, and make it more of a story it could be even better. This is where I would go with this idea:

It was 300 hundred hours on the night of friday october 7th.
They gathered quickly, but silently.

They didn’t need to bring anything but themselves.

The supplies were already in the barn.

The chickens from all over the farm gathered in the barn,

to meet with the cows and all the other farm animals.

The barn was dark.

It was full with the overwhelming smell of cow “presents”,

but to the animals it was the smell of a new beginning.

All the animals gathered around the head rooster (Bob Rooster) as he climbed a short flight of stairs to a poorly made stage

“Tonight,” he began,

“Tonight is the last night, The last night here.

So enjoy it if you need,

but the best is yet to come.

You will all be at your post at 600 hours sharp.

We all know how horrible humans are,

so,

As you all also know we will be bombing Chicago,

and ending the world for the humans.

The bombing will be taking place at 2400 hours sharp.

So for all of you who are not taking part in the actual bombing,

It would be wise to be in the bomb shelter at 1000 hours.

So I will leave you with that.”

He stepped down as a roaring round of applause came his way.

“Oh, I almost forgot, All chickens on plane duty, come with me.”

He exited the room with 7 other chickens following.

They walked out into the darkness

with only the moon light and the stars for light

They were almost invisible

but still they were cautious

They tiptoed to the street

Every few seconds they looked back to make sure no humans were watching

As they drew closer to the street,

Bob Rooster was getting anxious,

“I will cross the road first.” He whispered

“When I get to the other side I will give you a feathers up. When you see it cross the road one by one. Once we all reach the other side we will march single file to the shelter where we have hidden the jet.”

Having said no more,

he marched
Confidently across the road

He reached the other side in 20 seconds

but to the other chickens it seemed like hours

It was hard to see all the way to the otherside of the road,

but they could see him raise a wing,

and a feather go up.

Without delay theystarted across the road.

First George.

Then Fred.

Next Francis.

And Linda.

And Ben.

Followed by Donald

And last came Buck

There was a reason that Buck came last

He was not the swiftest of chickens.

As he clumsily ran across the street,

He saw a light in the distance.

Two lights actually.

Headlights of a pick-up.

Farmer Wilbur’s pick-up.

His farmers pickup.

“Run!”

Shouted the other chickens.

“Run” Shouted the wind.

“Run” shouted the hopes of getting rid of humans forever.

“Run” shouted the wheels of the pick-up truck.

“Run” shouted the screeching of the breaks.

But he did not run.

Farmer Wilbur swerved and missed Buck by only a couple of inches.

He stopped the car.

And walked over to Buck.

He picked him up.

And brought him back to his coop,

Where he noticed,

That all the chickens were missing.

So he rallied them all up,

and locked them in the coop.

So the world was safe.

For now anyway.

For now she sits…

and waits

A rose

No different than any other

Sits there unnoticed

Waiting

Waiting for something to happen

Waiting for someone to notice

She talks,

her beautiful whisper

but no one hears

She is perfect and beautiful

But nobody seems to care

Trying to get attention,

She perks her petals in the wind

But no one cares

so for now she sits…

And waits

DISCLAIMER/POEM ANALYSIS: I don’t even really know why I wrote this. Since the first week we had to write weekly authentics this idea kept coming to me. The idea of a rose, and a shy girl, but I couldn’t (as Mr. Wilkoff says) fully “flesh” it out. One week I finally decided to write on it. I guess most of these ideas have applied to me. I have felt invisible sometimes, when I try to get attention from certain people. I feel ordinary and boring, and it seems like I could try everything, and still be that one girl. It is like I just don’t even communicate with them. (Like they speak a different language) The part about the rose being perfect and beautiful obviously doesn’t apply to me, but the idea of the rarity of finding a perfect rose seemed interesting to me. (If rarity was a word, it would mean rareness)

Rules for the first day of seventh grade:

1. Makeup is money. The more the better. For them the first day of school is the first day of the circus, and they must be the most outrageous looking clown.

2. Id’s are treasure. They are the most valuable of all their possesions, and they insist upon wearing them around their necks for every second of every day, as if they were afraid some evil pirate were going to come and take them.

3. Less is more. When it comes to clothes they feel this is the only way they can’t go wrong.

4. School is the mall. They insist upon bringing their purses wherever they go. I don’t know whether this is because they think they need it, or because they think it makes them look cool, but it is stupid.

5. School is jail. Following every rule exactly, and sitting quietly not joking or having fun, as if they were chained to their desks with a sock shoved in their mouth.

6. Popular=good. They all want to be popular, so they pretent to like people they don’t so it seems like they have more friends. They trash talk all the other popular people to get ahead, and once they realize they aren’t popular, they hate everyone who is, and decide they never wanted to be popular in the first place.

7. Dirty is funny. The guys seem to think that anything that is dirty is funny. Mostly just trying to get the girls attention, they will rant on about anything naughty that comes to mind, and brag about their great knowlege on the subject.

8. We are superior. They brag to all their little friends and casullay ask them questions like “what do you keep in your locker, oh wait… I forgot… You don’t have one!!”

9. Cool is their middle name. As you all know the 8th graders are supposed to sit in the back of the bus, and occasionaly some of the “cool ” seventh graders. Since of course the seventh graders are so cool they insist upon sitting in the back, but they don’t seem to realize that the 8th graders have now moved to the front.

What not to do… at a wedding
Stand up and declare your everlasting love for the groom.
This is usually not the brightest of ideas. Although the bride probably thinks her husband is somewhat attractive she may not appreciate you sharing the same opinion. Since the groom has just vowed to love his bride forever he is probably not about to change his mind.
What not to do… on a first date
Be yourself
The most important thing to remember on a first date is to act completely not like your real self. On the first date it is not a good idea to risk having them reject your real self. So you just go ahead and tell them you’re a famous movie star. Tell them whatever they want to hear. Worrying about honesty is more of a third date kind of thing.
What not to do… On the first day of school

Get on the intercom and sing your favorite childhood song
The people at your school still don’t know you, and unless you want to be known as choir pants, sing along Frank or any other of the weird nicknames they will come up with, you probably shouldn’t attempt this.

What not to do… at a funeral
Declare that it is a national holiday and say you are going to take everyone out for ice cream
Although I do love ice cream, and I think everybody does, they may not find it appropriate to celebrate right after their terrible loss. And unless it is actually a holiday they might start to think you are kind of loony and send you to a home. (Depending on your age)
What not to do… at the movie theater
Ask to sit next to a stranger, and eat their popcorn
Most people would not enjoy this for many the following reasons:  1. They probably waited in a long line, and spent lots of money on that popcorn, and they don’t want you to eat it.  2. They may have been planning on eating their own popcorn.  3. They may have bought it for someone else.
Whatever the reason this person may defend its popcorn in many violent ways, so you would be lucky if you got out alive.